Please keep complaining on Twitter!
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 23, 2022
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Category: Laugh, It’s Funny
Dave the Engineer
It’s hard to believe that Dilbert has never had a black character before.
Elon Buys Twitter
💵💵💵💵💵Gas
Commander Custer
The Washington Football Team changed its name this week, finalizing a year-long transition from ‘Redskins’ to ‘Commanders.’ Along with the shiny new name, the team announced a brand-new mascot: General George Custer.
Who’s Been Vaccinated
Some of you might be old enough to remember the greatest comedic duo of all time, Abbott & Costello. Here’s what their conversation would sound like in 2021
Bud: ‘You can’t come in here!’
Lou: ‘Why not?’
Bud: ‘Well, because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But I’m not sick.’
Bud: ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Lou: ‘Well, why does that guy get to go in?’
Bud: ‘Because he’s vaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But he’s sick!’
Bud: ‘It’s alright. Everyone in here is vaccinated.’
Lou: ‘Wait a minute. Are you saying everyone in there is vaccinated?’
Bud: ‘Yes.’
Lou: ‘So then why can’t I go in there if everyone is vaccinated?’
Bud: ‘Because you’ll make them sick.’
Lou: ‘How will I make them sick if I’m not sick and they’re vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But they’re vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘But they can still get sick.’
Lou: ‘So what the heck does the vaccine do?’
Bud: ‘It vaccinates.’
Lou: ‘So vaccinated people can’t spread COVID?’
Bud: ‘Oh no. They can spread COVID just as easily as an unvaccinated person.’
Lou: ‘I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Look. I’m not sick.
Bud: ‘Ok.’
Lou: ‘And the guy you let in is sick.’
Bud: ‘That’s right.’
Lou: ‘And everybody in there can still get sick even though they’re vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘Certainly.’
Lou: ‘So why can’t I go in again?’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘I’m not asking who’s vaccinated or not!’
Bud: ‘I’m just telling you how it is.’
Lou: ‘Nevermind. I’ll just put on my mask.’
Bud: ‘That’s fine.’
Lou: ‘Now I can go in?’
Bud: ‘Absolutely not?’
Lou: ‘But I have a mask!’
Bud: ‘Doesn’t matter.’
Lou: ‘I was able to come in here yesterday with a mask.’
Bud: ‘I know.’
Lou: So why can’t I come in here today with a mask? … If you say ‘because I’m unvaccinated’ again, I’ll break your arm.’
Bud: ‘Take it, easy, buddy.’
Lou: ‘So the mask is no good anymore.’
Bud: ‘No, it’s still good.’
Lou: ‘But I can’t come in?’
Bud: ‘Correct.’
Lou: ‘Why not?’
Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’
Lou: ‘But the mask prevents the germs from getting out.’
Bud: ‘Yes, but people can still catch your germs.’
Lou: ‘But they’re all vaccinated.’
Bud: ‘Yes, but they can still get sick.’
Lou: ‘But I’m not sick!!’
Bud: ‘You can still get them sick.’
Lou: ‘So then masks don’t work!’
Bud: ‘Masks work quite well.’
Lou: ‘So how in the heck can I get vaccinated people sick if I’m not sick and masks work?’
Bud: ‘Third base.’
[End of scene]
McDonald’s Employee Fired
Is this parody or prognostication? I can’t tell any more 🐝
McDonald’s Employee Fired For Asking If Happy Meal Toy Is For Boy Or Girl
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World Gone Crazy
Went to Publix tonight and y’all should’ve seen all the commotion. Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, and Uncle Ben were protesting. Texas Pete and Capt. Morgan were getting drunk. Little Debbie was working the corner. Jimmy Dean was showing everybody his sausage. The world has gone crazy
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Naughty Comedian
One of the funniest stand-up comedians I’ve ever seen on AGT. Watch when Simon almost chokes on his drink! Marty is a bit naughty.