{"id":6506,"date":"2025-11-25T14:50:01","date_gmt":"2025-11-25T19:50:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/?p=6506"},"modified":"2025-11-25T14:50:01","modified_gmt":"2025-11-25T19:50:01","slug":"king-saul-hurls-spear-at-david-for-playing-christmas-music-before-thanksgiving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/2025\/11\/25\/king-saul-hurls-spear-at-david-for-playing-christmas-music-before-thanksgiving\/","title":{"rendered":"King Saul Hurls Spear At David For Playing Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Israel <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a shocking escalation of holiday-season tensions, palace officials confirmed today that King Saul attempted to pin young David to the wall after catching him playing Christmas music before<\/em> the official start of the Thanksgiving feast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Witnesses say the incident occurred early in the morning when David, freshly caffeinated and apparently feeling festive<\/em>, began strumming what sources are calling \u201can unmistakably jolly rendition\u201d of Joy to the World<\/em> on his lyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to one palace servant, Saul froze mid-bite of his pre-breakfast turkey leg.
\u201cHe looked confused at first,\u201d the servant reported. \u201cThen horrified. Then the king whispered, \u2018It\u2019s still November\u2026 he wouldn\u2019t dare.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moments later, Saul allegedly bellowed, \u201cNOT BEFORE THE HARVEST FESTIVAL!\u201d and hurled his royal spear across the room. David dodged the projectile\u2014reportedly with the same agility he later used against a large Philistine and, also, small children trying to steal cookies cooling on the palace windowsill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When questioned about the incident, David shrugged.
\u201cI don\u2019t see the problem,\u201d he said, tuning his lyre. \u201cThe earlier the Christmas music starts, the sooner people feel joy. Also, Saul asked for something \u2018uplifting.\u2019 I thought he meant \u2018Mariah-adjacent.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Royal advisors were quick to clarify that while King Saul does enjoy holiday cheer, he believes all Israelites should adhere to the strict Fall Festival First<\/strong> policy, which requires gratitude-themed celebrations, pumpkin-spice sacrifices, and ceremonial reenactments of \u201cthat time the Lord gave us food even though we definitely didn\u2019t deserve it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Public reaction has been mixed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some citizens agree with Saul, insisting it is a slippery slope from early carols to year-round garland. Others defend David, claiming that if you don\u2019t start at least lightly<\/em> humming carols in mid-autumn, you\u2019ll never be emotionally prepared for December.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In response to the uproar, palace musicians have proposed a compromise: no Christmas music until after the Thanksgiving offering\u2014but sleigh bells may be jingled quietly in private as long as they do not exceed \u201cmoderate festivity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, Saul\u2019s spear has been retrieved and placed back on its ceremonial hook, though officials admit it may see action again if David even thinks<\/em> about playing Feliz Navidad<\/em> before the Feast of Booths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David, however, remains undeterred.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNext week I\u2019m introducing the king to the concept of Christmas lights,\u201d he said. \u201cPray for me.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Israel In a shocking escalation of holiday-season tensions, palace officials confirmed today that King Saul attempted to pin young David to the wall after catching him playing Christmas music before the official start of the Thanksgiving feast. Witnesses say the incident occurred early in the morning when David, freshly caffeinated and apparently feeling festive, began … Continue reading King Saul Hurls Spear At David For Playing Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6508,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[31,36,556],"tags":[1192],"class_list":["post-6506","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-christmas","category-humor","category-thanksgiving","tag-generative-ai"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Saul-attacks-David.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6506","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6506"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6506\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6507,"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6506\/revisions\/6507"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6508"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6506"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6506"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.trommetter.org\/timeline\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6506"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}